2010: The Antics That Won't Make the Christmas Letter

Facebook status updates make for a great yearly journal of normal, daily life. I found a way to print them all to keep in our family memory box. Here are some of the events and quotes that will not make the 2010 Family Christmas letter:

February: Timothy stomped into the room wearing his angry eyes and in his tough guy voice announced, “I’m a purse man!” He then flung the pretty, glittery purse over his shoulder and stomped away.

I suspiciously walked into the kitchen where I found Timothy and James sitting on the table with my coffee cup between them. T: “We drank your coffee, Mom, because you weren’t thirsty anymore!” J: “MY COFFEE! My coffEEE! HAHAHAHA!!!”

Timothy thought that if he wore a cowboy hat and spoke in a deep voice, that maybe I wouldn’t recognize him. It’s pretty hard to fool your own mother, though.

March: A few mornings ago after Christian ate 2 waffles, 2 clementines and a huge bowl of cereal and was scavenging for more, I said to him, “Sheesh! Are you starting a growth spurt?!” He said quite seriously, “I sure hope so. Either that, or I’m going to get REALLY fat.”

I gave Timothy “the look” for standing on the arm of the sofa. He tossed his hands in the air and exclaimed, “This is my exercise, Mom!” I said, “Well, I don’t like you exercising on the arm of the sofa. Get off.” And he responded, “I don’t like you when you talk like that, Mom.”

April: I was reading Timothy a devotion and asked, “Who is your best friend in the whole wide world?” T said, “Ewijah!” (from preschool) “Uh, well, I was thinking about Jesus...” “Oookay. Can we talk about girls next?”

Nothing lets your firstborn son know you value him more than forgetting him at church after an evening meeting and not even realizing it for a good 15 minutes.

“Timmy, I wish you’d chew with your mouth shut,” said Emily. “I can’t,” said T. “I only chew with my mouth shut on Tuesdays.”

I got out of the shower this morning to see James taking floss picks out of the bag, one at a time, chewing on them, and putting them back into the bag.

Timothy: Can we [referring to he and James] just be naked? Distracted me: Yea..uh..no..what?!

Timmy and James are trying to catch ants with a butterfly net and a laser tag gun.

May: The doctor asked, “Do you go by Tim or Timothy? What should I call you?” Timothy replied, “Cowboy.”

What are you doing? Cleaning. What are you doing? Cleaning. What are you doing? I don’t know what I’m doing. Are you cleaning? Yes. Yes I am.

When I hear pounding and scraping from the area outside where the boys are playing, it’s never good.

I wonder why the boys feel the need to put up the foot rest on the recliner for the sleeping cat.

June: “T, do you think I’m pretty?” Emily asked. “Um,” said T, “I don’t want to talk about that.”

Timothy prayed at lunchtime: Come Lord Jesus, be our guest, crunch our chips, us a blessed. Amen

Today we passed a line of parked cop cars and Christian exclaimed, “It looks like a good day to rob a bank!”

“No, Timothy, you are NOT watching a movie. You are taking a nap.” “Actually, Mom, that is not a choice.” “Actually, Timothy, it is your ONLY choice.”

Between T “the monster” and me: “Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “It’s me--the monster.” *pause* “Am I supposed to let you in?” “Yes, you let me in and then I eat you.”

July: “So, I found an ambulance on eBay for $500 [for tailgating football games].” THIS is why I should never leave my husband home alone w/Mike Tindall!!!

How To Get Out Of Washing Your Face by Timothy: “Mom, I’m just going to leave all this food on my face so that I can pretend I have a beard, ok?”

T: I’m mad at you because I wanted to wear my superhero shirt and I am NOT taking a nap because I may sleep all day and miss breakfast and be hungry. Shut my drawer! I don’t want it open one more minute...STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!

“Mom, were the Smurfs in black and white when you were little?” “No. Jeez, Em, I’m not THAT old!”

Today I ate the first ripe tomato from Mom’s garden while standing in the warm sun. :-D

Don’t you hate it when your printer malfunctions because there’s a Lincoln log jammed inside it?

On the day of the RMH benefit ride: The smell of summer mixed with leather, the majestic scenery, the interesting people, the glorious rumble of thousands of bikes: It’s time to ride!!!

Today was the perfect, happiest day. If I could start over at 6 a.m., and live every moment over again just as it was, I would do it a hundred times.

Poor emotionally scarred Mark is mowing the lawn with a bottle of Raid close by. No more bees up the shorts for him, I guess.

August: “Where’s the principal’s office going to be?” asked soon-to-be home schooled Timothy as he painted a picture in our learning lab.

Timothy told me that when he grows up he’s going to live in Duluth and have 3 kids named James, Rooster and Chicken. He already asked Mark if he could borrow Mark’s car to get to Duluth. If we still have that car when T’s grown up, just run us over with it. Please.

September: Because doing preschool with 3rd grade isn’t enough, let’s put a table full of rice in the learning lab and underwear on the 2 year old. Bring it on!

When I put the kids to bed tonight, I’m going to lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling and listen to the silence. It’s gonna be great!

“I’m a mom,” declared James, “because I have coupons!”

T: Don’t tell James I have stickers, ok? Me: I won’t say a word to him. T: Well, you can say words to him, just don’t tell him I have stickers.

My joy moment of the day was my 2 year old sitting on the toilet with red footie pj’s slouched around his ankles asking me to take his picture.

Reason #12 that I would not make a good preschool teacher: I gave the boys a wooden letter A at rug time to touch and hold as we observed its shape, talked about the sounds it makes, etc. and then I observed aloud, “Oh, silly James is sticking his finger in the A-hole!”

October: “No, Timothy. People cannot take dead cats back to the pet store and exchange them for live ones.”

The boys fought over an INVISIBLE football in the store today. T was hogging it and James was ticked. I just tossed James a 2nd invisible football and the problem was solved. Good grief!

Serious pillow talk with T: Mom, I just can’t stay little forever. It’s too late for that because I’m going to be 5 pretty soon.

November: CD in car: “Holy, holy is our God almighty...” “Hey Mom!” exclaimed James, “They’re singin’ about Harley!”

“Mom, I can drive the 4-wheeler at the farm by myself, you know," said T. “Yea..??” I said. “So, you shouldn't make me go to time-out anymore when I’m naughty.”

December: Timothy came in with a Noah’s ark ornament from the Christmas tree. “Can I play with this in some water, Mom?” “No.” “But it’s a boat!” “No, it’s an ornament shaped like a boat. It’s not sea worthy.” “Awww!!!”

Christian’s most recent text to me: pick me up at 4 pleez and we can’t stop anywhere cuz I have butterbraids that can explode.
My reply: they won’t explode. they just tell you that so u deliver them before they expire.

James finished his milk at lunch and said, "I want some barf water, please!" *perplexed pause* "Do you mean 7-up, James?" "Yea!"

Today Emily, Timothy and Jacob learned that if you use dog bones to make a snowman's face, the dog will eat the snowman's face.

I sat down at the table with my breakfast-eating boys. James glared at me and said, "HEY! Jesus is sitting in that chair! You are sitting on my Jesus!"

‎"What do you think I got you for Christmas, Timothy?" said Em. "Hmm...I don't want to guess. Ask me when I'm a little taller," said T.

Timothy suggested that if we squeezed the bolus, the fluids would enter Christian much faster. He also nearly gave Christian a bump of morphine. I'm thinking he should at least complete kindergarten before pursuing a medical career.

Timmy said, "I'm still hungry--I'm ALWAYS hungry." "Well, eat the rest of the food on your plate!" "Why? I'll still be hungry." "We'll address that after you finish your food--IF it's still a problem." "*sigh* It's just so hard being alive."

Nothing makes me drop to the ground and want to cry like an infant more than stepping barefoot on a little plastic Davy Crockett in the middle of the night.

Timothy, depositor of Davy Crockett on my bedroom floor, mess-maker supreme, ran into and fell over a huge container of cat litter I had set inside the door moments before, then glared at me and preached, "You see?! This is why you should take care of your stuff!"