Err Grandly!

I was reminded today of how I am a fallen human. Although true in the illustrative form, I really do mean this literally.

I recalled a time three years ago when I left my job at church on a sunny, summery day to meet Mark for lunch. He also worked downtown at the time and so I crossed the street to begin the 3 block stroll to our meeting place.

I didn't even make it to the sidewalk across the street before I somehow fell. I fell in slow motion, in a dumb, cumbersome way and ended up sprawled across the grass and sidewalk, right in the midst of the city's busy lunch hour.

I got up as quickly as possible and tried to continue on with barely a limp. I wondered if anybody had seen it. Then I started thinking about what would have been seen. Tall, professional, long haired girl striding confidently across the street...then big, clumsy, Amazon Jen dropping, with no more grace than Goliath, to the ground. I started to giggle at the image in my mind. The giggles turned into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

Three blocks later, I met Mark, tears streaking my face, still carrying on like a hyena. I don't know if anybody saw the fall or not, but I do know that I cruised past almost two dozen people, all the while laughing like an escaped Crazy.

Err grandly, I figure, then call your closest friends and family so that they can laugh at you!

Today I started the day with a doctor's appointment for my son which was scheduled just last night. I stayed up late preparing plans for the sub and even made a 10:30 p.m. trip to the school to make sure all things were in order. I wanted a smooth start to my students' day, and my sub's day. I want a permanent place on this teaching ministry team and so excellence is my goal at all times.

That's a prideful thing to admit, isn't it? And we all know that pride cometh before the fall...

By 10:00 the appointment was over and the prescription was ready. I returned the principal's call that I had missed minutes earlier on my phone, figuring he was just wondering if I would be back on time for the 10:45 field trip departure time. I had planned a brief, midday excursion the local nature center to test water and learn more about aquatic ecosystems, a beautiful fit into our current science unit. When he answered I assured him that I was almost done and on my way.

The kind voice on the other end informed me that I had incorrectly scheduled the bus to pick up at 9:15 and drop off at 11:30 instead of the planned times of 11:15 and 1:30. Therefore, the children were now at the nature center, but the sub couldn't go. The principal, the busiest person in the universe, cleared his morning schedule and was there with my students.

The girl whose father was supposed to chaperon had been crying, so he called who he thought was her dad to come meet the group. However, he had mistook the girl for another girl in the class and called the wrong dad. Two dads were now on their way to the nature center.

The administrative assistant, the second-busiest person in the universe, was back at the school scrambling to arrange our bus pick-up at the correct time of 1:15. Since they were there early, the students and chaperons would have to find some way to utilize their extra time before the learning session would begin. The principal said he would think of something to teach them until I arrived.

I hung up and saw my career flash before my eyes and die a premature death. I saw myself falling dumbly to the ground on that sunny day 3 years ago--a physical prophecy of this very moment. I wondered if a stupid mistake of this magnitude had ever been made in the history of the world. I fumbled numbly through the prescription pick up, the drive home, and the situating of my ill adolescent before chucking a couple balls and a Diet Coke into the car and heading off to face my giant.

It was then that the tears of humiliation flowed. I had royally screwed up the morning for alot of people, and I was so incredibly sorry. And as I replayed the phone conversation with the principal in my mind, I was struck by how grandly I had erred. One couldn't purposefully execute a screw-up of this magnitude! The humor of the situation was apparent and I began to cackle, and weep, and laugh and sob. I think this is called hysterics. I had to get it together and quick!

The best way to diffuse the power of a thought is to just say it aloud. So in my emotionally unstable state, I pulled my van to the curb and called my dear cousin to regale the morning's events, wailing in fits of laughter and tears. At the end, there was silence on her end and I held my breath waiting for her reaction.

She did what I needed her to do. She laughed at me, agreeing that it all was pretty bad, but also sort of funny. The giant shrunk to a manageable size and I sped on, cranking the cold air through the vents hoping to dry my eyes and reduce the redness in the 3 minutes left in my commute.

In the end, it all worked out okay. The students learned and behaved and enjoyed the outing. Nobody threw stones at me. The principal extended grace in a most Christ-like way, the lead teacher offered encouragement, and the administrative assistant spoke kindly when I had to slink into the office at day's end. It was more than I would have asked for. In more ways that I can recount, I am humbled. They're even going to let me come back and continue teaching when classes resume on Monday!

Err grandly, I say! And if it's still a little too painful to call your family and friends so they can laugh at you, just tell them to read your blog.